I Thought.

I thought I could be happy.
I thought I could escape this place.
I thought I could just look the other way.
I thought I couldn't miss something I never had.
I thought I would be okay with it when it finally happened.

I thought wrong.

I'm going to bed.

Summer So Far

What have I done so far this summer? I'll tell ya!

The first week all I did was sleep. Seriously. Then I attempted to find a job. I applied to over twenty places, but had only two interviews. The reason I didn't get any of the jobs? They didn't want to hire a college student with brain that would be leaving at the end of the summer and only wanted high schoolers that would be more than willing to bend over and take it with out a sound.

Due to this unfortunate fact, I don't have enough money to support driving often. I've been at home doing whatever odd jobs I can convince my mom to pay me for. I convinced her to let me mow the yard instead of the neighbor kid, but I get paid half he does "because I'm her son". I managed to convince her that I could finish our patio and I am currently getting paid slave prices for that (and doing a better job than the ass-fuck that started it then ran off). I'm also supposed to get paid when I finish cleaning the basement, but that will never get done because over 40% of it is stuff from our grandpa's that she needs to look through.

For the last two months I've been at home, and that's about it. I've chilled with friends from Central twice, and a few (read: two) friends from Waukee thrice. I've only had face-to-face contact four other people that I barely consider as acquaintances. I hate almost my entire family (except my dad and my older sister, both of which I never get to see) for several reasons, and cannot wait to leave this place.

When I'm not breaking my back for pennies (it's more than that, but pennies compared to a real job) I've been reading and playing video games. I have started and finished ten novels (roughly 400 pages each), and six games with over 90% completion (missing 10% of bonuses). I have also watched three movies in theaters (the last being Bruno), and numerous ones obtained from the surf.

Though I have no way to prove it at the moment, I have also lost some weight. I started a sudo-diet after having an eerie run-in at Best Buy.
--
I was standing in the Blu-Ray DVD Releases aisle, and I reached out to get a better look at the Star Trek Decalogy and noticed two other people were doing the same. A slightly pudgy kid to my right, and a ginormous Jabba of a man to my left. I immediately withdrew my hand and backed away from the shelf taking in the situation. I was seeing what resembled myself in the past and what could very well be my future.
--
I still have some things to figure out. Since then I've been eating less, drinking less pop, and have substantially cut back on unhealthy snacks. Other than when I'm working in the back yard, I haven't really been exercising because my bike got ran over by my sister's car, and running is not for me *yet*. I say I can't prove I've lost weight yet because our scale is broken (the weight is different every time I step on it, even if there is no time between being wieghed). I've had some people tell me I look like I've lost weight but I don't really think I look any different. So I dunno.

This whole post may sound like I've had a terrible summer, but even though it was hugless, it really wasn't all bad. I read some good books, played some good games, and had some really great text-based moments with distant friends. It's July 20th, and I'm happy because I go back to Central August 24th.

State of the Blog

So I've slowed down to one blog a month, and I don't like that. I'm going ot try and do better.

Warning, this post contains alot of me complaining about stuff in my life and I stay fairly vague about the actual problems.


I've realized that I only have the urge to make a blog post when something in my life is really bugging me. This is causing most of my blog posts to become a list of complaints with myself, the people around me, or the world.

I suppose this is because in real life I'm 'the listener' (no relation to that one show) not 'the talker'. I spend my day listening to others and provide what input I can. Also, you know all those little 'huge problems' most people get? Yeah, I don't get those. Life is too short for all that bullshit, when faced with those problems I decide on a solution and fix it right then and there. The problems that I deal with are deep character and moral problems, the kind of problems that can really change a person. They just roll around in my head until one day something manages to eek into my thought process and everything grinds to a halt in my head. I become obsessed with the issue for what could be days. Usually I have to spend hours alone just mulling it over in my head, but it's best if I have someone to open up to and maybe bounce thoughts off of.

Unfortunately, I don't really open up to others about my issues because very few make me feel safe. There used to be one person that was always there, but time and space has caused us to drift apart almost to a point where we don;t know each other. There is a new person that makes me feel safe enough, but due to other issues I can't completely open up. Maybe in the future, but right now it's not happening.

I've been thinking a lot since finishing my freshman year (WOO HOO!!), and no matter what way I approach my chain of issues, it all becomes a cyclical problem. Solving any one of them requires another to be solved and provides the solution for another. *sigh* If I wasn't a 'godless abomination to our family', according to my crazy relatives, I could pray for a miracle. But I can't with all honesty and must find a soluton on my own.


Later,
D

PS: If you haven't noticed, I'm a fan of commas. I started writing from an early age and locked in certian habits. Not entirely sure how well I follow the 'rules', but there haven't been many complaints.

Me.

This is me:

• Dustin Nicholas Green
• Male
• ~5'9"
• ~260 lbs
• Bad-ass Chops
• I'm told that I'm 'cute' (hehe)
• Computer Nerd
• Video Gamer
• Working knowledge of many subjects
• Can easily get along with anyone
• Shy as fuck (I'm working on it)
• I'm honest, my lies are usually small and hurt nobody
• Mild OCD (Also working on it)
• Sometimes lonely, lonely
• Several groups of friends; Dudes, Bros, DudeBros, The Nookians, Peeps, The Gang
• Generally happy, laid back
• Won't hold a grudge
• I have feelings (Sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming emo)
• Surprise myself and everyone with how ballsy I can be

See? I'm an open book.
I may add to this, I may not. Whatever.

Week in Review

Woah, long week.

Mnaday: Spent all Monday anxious about the outcome of my RA application. Class was boring, blerg.

Tuesday: Found out around 11 that I did NOT get a RA position. Apparently they only hired five new RAs because of all the old RAs coming back from studying abroad. spent the rest of the day in a crappy mood. Went to the Dating Doctor with Sarah and had fun time. Big, cold, intense. Hehe.

Wednesday: Still sort of a crappy mood. Chilled with the Nookians, chilled with the Dudebros, contemplated my room arrangement for next year. Watched It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia and played Pokèmon into the wee hours of the morning because Special was working out to Sandstorm.

Thursday: Slept until 10ish, signed up for The Day of Silence, contemplated what to signup for Service Day. Watched Fight Club with Sarah and the gang until 3AMish. Chose my classes for next semester.

Friday: IOWA LEGALIZED GAY MARRIAGE! Found out I have 6-8 pages of crap to type by Monday. Missed going to a rally because someone decided to go at the last minute and asked me just minutes after I started my much needed laundry. Those of us that got left behind had a Magic School Bus mini-marathon. Oh yeah, Special had 5 people from high school over and they drank 'Sprite' and watched Descent with Russ Katz until 4:30AM.

Saturday: Fairly uneventful day, we all watched Milk (amazing) and Seven Pounds (not bad) with fresh cookies until 2ish in the morning and then we ripped on a (now) ex-friend of mine.

Sunday: Didn't get out of bed until 10:30, ate brunch with Brennan, chilled with the Nookians all afternoon. Wrote 3 papers while chillin down on Ground.



Yeah, I'm Awesome™

Near-Perfect Day

I had one today.
I'll just hit the major events for times sake.

This morning I woke up at a quarter to 10 from a phone call from my man Brenden, henceforth referred to as Bdog.
Bdog: "Dude, I have today off. I'm rounding up the whole gang for an afternoon of fishing."
Me: "Dude, I don't have gas money to get down to there!"
Bdog: "Yeah, that's why TJ is gonna pick you up at 10."

So I jump out of bed, take a 5 minute shower while shaving and brushing my teethand snarf down a ham & cheese & mashed potato sandwich just seconds before TJ pulls up.
Me: "Shit dude, the whole gang?"
TJ: "Everyone but Syd. Anyone else you wanna go pickup?" [Sydney, she lives in Colorado now.]
Me: "Nobody that's close enough, maybe another time."
TJ: "Bummer" *Cranks music as we speed down the block*

40ish minutes later we arrive at our destination, a little park next to the city lake with a low bridge perfect for fishing. TJ and I are the first there so we start the fire pit. Bdog arrives a few minutes later with the steaks and chips. Meg(an) shows up with the rest of the food followed by Jay with the fishing gear, five fishing licenses and his 'secret bait'. [Sam's Club size bag of Skittles.]
Meg: "Skittles. Again?"
Jay: "I tell you, they fucking work!"
Meg: "Fattie!" [Jay was the thinnest guy on the track team. I laugh my ass off, being the biggest person there.]

We have an epic feast of steak, Doritos, Cheetos, baked potatoes.When we're all stuffed to the gills with food Meg brings out fresh baked cookies.
Meg: "Now, what will you do for one of these cookies?"
Bdog, TJ & I simultaneously to Meg: "Can I marry you?"
Meg (without hesitation): "Brenden, you're married. TJ and Dusty, you guys will need to fight to the death."

In a split-second Tj and I jump away from the table and head for the fishing gear. We both grab unstrung poles and immediately begin an epic duel. It ends minutes later when TJ mistakenly breaks his pole on a tree.
Me: "Ha ha! I am the victor! I will take my woman and her cookies!"
Meg: "Just have a damn cookie, you guys know I don't go out with friends."
Me (after taking cookie): "That's okay, you smell anyway."
Meg: "NO I DON'T"
Jay (playing along): "Yeah, you really do."
Meg jumps up to storm off but catches her foot in the table and falls forward onto the dip bowl.
Bdog: "Well you smell now."

With one pole broken, we spend the whole afternoon taking turns fishing. Three fish and two play frisbee. As for the haul, we ended up with jack squat.

At about 5 we start packing up and saying our goodbyes. Us dudes engage in bro-grabs and elevated hand slaps as Meg, being the only female in the group, gets a hug (in which she sneaks slips in peck on the cheek). TJ and I blast off to Des Moines in his Honda powered only by miracles and death metal (maybe some unleaded too, we're not scientists).

Upon my return home, I managed to finagle a couple sloppy joes and spent the evening lounging around my room playing Pokemon. I even found ZOMBIES IN MY POKEMANS!



There are only three things I can think of that would have made this day perfect:
1. Not cutting my cheek while shower-brush-shaving.
2. Having a working Gen-1 Pokemon cartridge other than Yellow. (Fuck you Pikachu!)
3. Having Syd and one or two of my close Central friends come.


Turns out this spring break is pretty sweet after all.

Yeah, I'm Awesome™

The Recession

Fuck it.

Contrary to my Facebook statuses and Tweets for the last few days, I have been working hard.
I've been going to businesses looking for a summer job.
However, due to the recession, most places either are:
-not hiring at all
-want someone that will only be a filler employee
-won't hire summer-only people
-are fast food crapholes
-prefer high-school zombies to college students

I'm still waiting for replies from Morons 'R Us (Best Buy), Republican-ville (Menards), Rip-Offingtons (GameStop), Rapist Zone (Target), and Pedo Palace (OfficeMax).

In other news, SPRING BREAK! We were supposed to go to Hawaii but due to family issues it got canceled. So I'm spending spring break in my room chillin and wondering why the fuck all my friends here are lazy-ass WoW players. Oh well, I guess I'll just be happier to see my cool Central friends in a week, and some of the dudebros.

Contemplating time

Ugh, the great boredom.
Alone with only my mind,
contemplating time.

Yeah, I just wrote a fucking haiku.

Dustin, RA Candidate.

Yeah, life is getting better.

Two of my true friends really came though for me this last few days and helped cheer me up.
B dog shot me a quick phone call and regrets not being able to cheer me up in person. He got my mind off the stuff going on and we talked about some of the goofy shit we did as kids. We were trouble.
Sarah showed her not-taking-on-the-world side and tricked me by using my one weakness. Hugs. Damn them.


In other news, I turned in my application to be an RA for next year. I'm both extremely nervous, and extremely confident in the possibility of my hiring. I'll see in the coming weeks.


Yeah, I'm Awesome™

Ugh.

I hate to make two FML posts in a row but this needs to be let out.


Last night, at 11:56, I received a horrible phone call I had hoped I'd never get again. I don't want to post all the details but basically one member of my family has been fighting depression for a few years and will be in the hospital for a week or two due to certain complications of said depression.

I could not get this off my mind and was unable to sleep much more than a few minutes all night. So before class I pumped myself full of sugar and caffeine and have been 'topping off' my sugar level since then. I'm in full-on emo-zombie mode.

I need to think, and I need a hug/many hugs.

7am-10am.

Goddammit, I feel like shit.

-Woke up this morning and I couldn't balance, too tired.
-Got in the shower and cranked it up to crazy-hot, it was only lukewarm.
-Eating my Pop Tarts on my way to class, slipped and dropped one in the snow.
-8am Calculus was an easy class today, but it was at 8 am.
-Enjoying the slight breeze by Cox+Snow, ate pavement on those stairs because of my huge feet.
-I don't have Asian Religions until 12:30, but I have no desire to play video games.


In other news, Sarah's desktop is quite boss.

Even if it has no dedicated video card, and is crazy infested with nearly 58 GB of adult paraphernalia. I'm not even kidding, I spent a few hours yesterday cleaning off more porn viruses than I've ever heard of. I'll have to make it a regular event if she doesn't stay away from PenisLand and WhorePresents.

I guess it's a better use of my time than partially destroying my laptop for fun.


Yeah, I'm Awesome™
(Click the links, you know you want to.)

Multiple Languages

I'm an effective translator, it surprises people when they find out.

I know:
-English ('Proper' English)
-American (Yes, separate.)
-'Normal' (For 'regular' people.)
-Geek (With my +1 Amulet of Babel.)
-Scatter Brain (When the correct term for something is unknown.)
-Female* ('Emotion' Stuff)
-Male (Cars, Video Games, Food, Boobs)
-Spanish (Muy poco)
-Cool (Practically invented this boss language.)

* Growing up I was outnumbered 4-1, I had to learn.


I want to learn:
-Japanese (It will be useful when they take over in the next Pokemon Wars.)
-Klingon (It is a beautiful language, Shakespeare really is more powerful in Klingon.)
-French** (Maybe. Women in earshot seem to melt.)

** France sucks


You just got learned.

Bad Traits

I have some really bad traits.
I'm not talking about smoking, heavy drinking, or cutting myself; I don't do any of those.

Pre-Cognition:
Sort of like to Nicolas Cage's character in NEXT, but less cool. Whenever I have free time, I have conversations in my head and 'plan' my possible responses and reactions. I don't even realize that I'm doing it most of the time. I always stop it before my mind wanders too far into a conversation, but sometimes I feel like a nut job. I suppose that's why I have a zombie infection plan, sudden loss of gravity plan and a 'my neighbor is a crazed axe murderer who is coming after me' plan.

OCD-esque organization:
Everyone likes to be organized, but sometimes I take it too far. It drives me crazy when my music library has even the most minor of errors. iTunes, which I only use because 3rd party iPod (got my iPod for Christmas) managers are too buggy, has an annoying 'feature' since v7.3 that sorts numbers at the end of the alphabet. I still use v7.2 for this reason.
Sometimes, I go through a folder of images and sort them either into folders or I indivitually tag each image. I is an enormous waste of time and energy.

I'm 'Shy':
I'm not really shy, I just use it as a reasoning for me being too reluctant to go hang out with friends. This has sabotaged my entire life. I can count the number of 'true' friends I have on one hand (excluding my Central friends). It's not that I'm anti-social or super wierd, in fact, most people have nothing really bad to say about me (that I know of). In high school, I could have gotten away with hanging with the 'jocks' and the 'nerds', the 'popular kids' and the 'loners'. People like me, I like people; I don't get it...

I'm a total loser when it come to women:
Many guys have this problem, but I'm hindered even more by the fact that I'm a geek, I'm overweight, and I'm not the most handsome guy around (although I don't believe I'm ugly).


My resolution for 2009 is to do something about these, not necessarily to eliminate these traits, just to change what I can. This new blog is an attempt to attack the 'Shy' trait, breaking down some of the barriers and let people in. I'm also contemplating tracking my weight, that would help attack the 'loser' trait by redirecting my OCD trait. All of these should raise my self esteem, help me make more friendships, and eat up some of my spare time to attack the Pre-Cog trait.


Thanks for reading, it takes alot to spill deep thoughts out.
I'm Awesome™

Beginning Again

Well, here I am. Another blog on Blogger.
This one is on a new account, to keep my other two completely separate and safe. It's not that I don't trust anyone who will read this blog, just that the other two were from another me.

You see, I've changed. I'm not the same person I was in 2003 when the first one was born. It was more of a Twitter, nothing of great substance, just a sentence or so each day.
The second came three years later in 2006. It was more interesting, posting stories, cool links, stuff going on in my life; but it also had a dark side. I was a fool, roughly 1/2 the posts were nothing but copy/paste from popular blogs and, unfortunately, I also posted loads of 'undesirable' content. Posts of the 2G1C/KIAS variety were present, along with 'adult' content.

I could just delete them, but they are a part of me. They should remain there for as reminder of my past, for both myself and my old friends.

No, I will not tell you where they are. Google them yourself, they are there.